


Can't Let Go

by CastInShadows



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: But it turns out alright in the end, Everyone else makes brief appearances, F/F, Kind of angsty, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 20:03:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5756437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastInShadows/pseuds/CastInShadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla isn't the only one who's rescued from the pit under the Lustig.</p>
<p>Takes place at the end of Season 1 as a sort of replacement for episode 36.  Obviously not really Season 2 compliant since it takes place before any of that happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rarity from me... another fic so soon after the last. This one is angsty as well. More so than the last I think, though. Sorry... I don't even know. I know this is pretty much a season and a half too late, but it just came to me while I was listening to “Can't Let Go” by Mariah Carey. The song doesn't really have much to do with the actual story, but if you haven't heard it you should definitely give it a listen. If for no other reason then the fact that everyone should listen to a little more Mariah Carey...
> 
> Standard non-ownership disclaimer: The characters belong to J. Sheridan Le Fanu, Jordan Hall, and Ellen Simpson. No infringement intended. Pretty much anything recognizable isn't mine.

Water was dripping. Something was skittering somewhere nearby. Her whole body felt like it had been run over by a steamroller... or you know, flung off a fifty foot cliff. She groaned in pain.

“Mircalla?”

She was hearing voices.

“Mircalla, are you awake?”

She groaned again, and squinted her eyes open just a crack. Great... now she was seeing things too.

_*BOOM*_ echoed throughout the cavern.

_What the blasting Hell is that?_ she thought.

_*BOOM*_ again.

“Mircalla, please,” the voice to her left pleaded.

_*BOOM*_

She didn't have the energy for this, nor the desire to try and summon some. She heard some shuffling, and then could vaguely make out the sound of startled voices before she blacked out once again.

* * *

 

****Laura was delivering her final address to her loyal viewers. They had stuck with her throughout all of the craziness that had been going on the last couple of months, and Perry was right. She needed closure, and so did they.

“-she made the big gesture for me,” Laura sniffled, “and I never got to tell her.” She pulled herself together a little bit, “I just... I'll miss her so much.”

The door behind her slammed open revealing a frantic looking Kirsch, “Laura!”

“Okay, no dude-bro,” he was interrupted by Danny coming up immediately behind him, “she's heavier than she looks.”

Laura was out of her chair immediately as Danny laid the limp body she was carrying on the bed. “Carm!” she exclaimed, “She needs blood!”

In her frenzy to get the “Soy Milk” container and administer what she hoped would be the cure for whatever was wrong with her unconscious vampire, she failed to notice the rest of the group file in. Or the addition of a dark-haired girl in a white dress.

“Please don't be dead, please don't be dead...” she chanted as she tipped the container to Carmilla's lips.

Carmilla stirred a bit. Then groaned. Finally her eyes fluttered open. Without a second thought Laura flung herself at the newly awakened vampire.

“Ell?” Carmilla questioned from under her.

Laura pulled back, a small frown on her face. “No, it's... it's Laura,” she said lightly.

“Um, Frosh...” Lafontaine cut in.

Finally Laura turned and realized that she hadn't noticed anyone else in the room but Carmilla from the moment Danny had carried her in. She was a bit surprised to see the entire group assembled there. When Laf stepped to the side, she saw a figure only recognizable from her dreams. From behind her, she could feel Carmilla struggling to sit up as the girl stepped forward with her eyes downcast. The girl made it to the bedside at about the same time Carmilla was finally able to sit up fully.

The vampire reached out and cupped the girl's cheek, drawing her gaze. “So, I wasn't just imagining things,” she whispered.

Ell barely had time to shake her head in the negative before being pulled into the vampire's arms in a fierce hug. When she finally pulled back, or rather when Carmilla finally released her so that she was able to, they gazed upon each other as though they were the only two in the room. Ell with a small smile, and Carmilla with an expression of wondrous disbelief and tears streaming down her face. Laura took that as her cue to get off the bed and join the others who were just standing around awkwardly.

“How did this happen?” she asked the group.

Kirsch was the first to speak up, “Well, me and the bros were throwing some cherry bombs into the big pit. We wanted to hear the awesome echo it would make. After we threw a couple, we heard this voice shouting up to us.”

Danny interrupted him there, “He thought there were ghosts, and texted me all scared.”

“Not true, Summer Psycho,” he protested, “I just thought you'd want to come check it out.”

“Sure,” Danny rolled her eyes. “Anyways... I was on my way back from the Caf anyways, so I thought I'd just swing by. When I got there, I heard the voice calling out for help. So, I ran and got some spelunking equipment from the Summer House, and here we are.”

Laura could not believe what she had been hearing, “That could've been so dangerous! What if it was a trap? Or what if something happened, and there was a cave in, and you would've gotten stuck down there too? Or what if-”

“Chill out, Laur,” Laf interrupted her rant, “it obviously turned out okay,” they said flippantly.

Laura turned to look at where Carmilla and Ell were still gazing at each other lovingly. On her bed. Her heart sunk. Yeah... everything turned out okay.

It was at that moment that Betty returned to the room, shrieking about all the people invading her space.

Carmilla broke out of her reverie. “Right,” she said, “I guess this isn't my room anymore. Seems that you got what you wanted, Laura.”

Had she gotten what she wanted? Laura wasn't so sure. Before she could form any kind of response, Betty spoke out, “Actually, you can have it. My transfer went through, and when I leave tomorrow for Reading Week, I won't be coming back. Good riddance.” She stormed into the bathroom to wait out the incursion.

“Well, you just have to find a place for the night then. You and Ell can take mine, and I'll bunk with Perry. It's a single, but it's just for the night so...” Laf offered.

Carmilla shrugged, “That sounds adequate.”

“Wait,” Ell spoke up for the first time since she entered the room, “Mircalla and I can't share a bed. That would be highly inappropriate.”

Yes... highly inappropriate, Laura thought.

“It'll be fine, love,” Carmilla said, and Laura cringed.

But Ell stood her ground, “No Mircalla. I'm aware that centuries have passed, and things may be different in this age, but I will not share a bedchamber with you. It is unseemly.”

It was Danny's turn to speak up. “There's lots of room in the Summer House. You could stay there,” she offered, “Just you, though. Sorry Fang-face, but I don't think the other sisters wouldn't take too kindly to you loitering around.”

Carmilla snarled a bit and glared, but Ell placed her hand on her arm and said, “Thank you for your kind offer, that would be most excellent. Mircalla will abide by that rule.”

“Come on, Sweetie,” Perry said, ushering Ell through the door, “Let's go get you cleaned up. I'm sure I have something that you can change into.”

Laf followed closely behind, calling to Carmilla over their shoulder, “I'm gonna go make sure there's nothing sensitive laying around, but just come 'round mine when your ready.”

Carmilla was still glaring at Danny. Finally she let out a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. As though it truly pained her, she said, “I appreciate this Xena... and everything else.”

“What was that? Mistress of the Snark being grateful for something I did,” Danny taunted, while Carmilla stood clenching her fists. She continued, “Did someone get that on record? Can you-”

“Danny!” Laura cut her off with a laugh, “Leave her alone. She said thank you, and you know how much that must've hurt her.”

“Alright, alright, just messing with you. Let's go save your girl from Perry, and then you can at least walk her to the Society House.”

Again Carmilla rolled her eyes, and Laura cringed at the term “your girl”.

“Let's go Giant,” the vampire said, pushing her out the door before turning to Laura, “If I don't see you before you leave tomorrow, have a nice Reading Week, Laura.”

“Yeah, you too,” she responded, and the vampire was gone.

Kirsch was the only one left, aside from Betty who was still hiding out in the bathroom. Laura slumped onto her bed.

“Are you okay, Little Nerd?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? Carmilla is here, and she's okay... and thank you. You saved her, and her... Ell,” her voice broke a little bit on that last part.

Kirsch didn't know exactly what was going on, but he knew something was wrong. So he didn't say anything at all. Just sat down on the bed next to Laura, and held her in his arms as she sobbed into his chest.

* * *

****The next morning Laura slept through her alarm. That kind of thing happens when you're up late into the night crying into your clueless “bro's” chest. Kirsch tried, bless him he did, but he really didn't know what was going on, so there was no real way that he could soothe her. She really didn't think anyone could at this point. Her mind was heavy with all the missed opportunities and wasted moments she would never get back, and her heart was broken.

It was the chime of her cell phone notifying her that she'd received a text message that pulled her from her sleep. Her father would be there in an hour. Lucky for her she had everything ready to go the night before. The only thing left was her computer, but she'd stuff that in her back pack right before she left. Knowing that she really couldn't afford to linger in bed since she missed her alarm, she sat up with a whine.

The first thing she noticed was that the bed across from hers had been stripped. A cursory glance around the room revealed a bunch of other things missing as well. Betty was gone. And she didn't even say goodbye, Laura thought sadly. Brain parasites, or no, the girl had been the first friend she had made at University. She was the reason for everything that happened the last few months. Even though Laura understood that she never really knew the real Betty, she still felt like she would miss the girl. She was sure she could've grown to like the new version, once she got to know her. Trying to shake off her sadness, she looked at the time and groaned. Her dad would be there in 45 minutes now. She really needed to get ready.

Making her way into the bathroom she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked like hell. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and her hair was crazy. There was no way she'd be ready on time.

Actually, to her surprise, she did manage to make herself look presentable in less than half an hour. That gave her fifteen minutes to say her good-byes, and maybe possibly get a second or two alone with Carmilla to make sure she's okay.

The first stop she made was Laf's room, but no one was there so she just carried on to Perry's, who opened the door with a wide smile. “Good morning Laura, all set to go home for Reading Week?” she asked.

“Yep... about to head out now. I was just stopping 'round to say bye to everyone.”

“Oh... well I'm afraid you just missed everyone. Danny came by to drop off Ell for Carmilla, then they went to breakfast, while she headed off to a Summer Society meeting with the girl's who are leaving for the week. Only Laf is still here.”

Laura forced a smile, “That's okay Perry, I guess I'll just catch up with them when I get back. I'm glad I got to say bye to you at least.”

Perry gave her a strong hug, “I know it's only for a week, but I'm going to miss you. Text me when you've made it home safely. Let me go get Lafontaine for you, okay? Just a moment.”

Laura waited in the hall while Perry went to go retrieve Laf.

“'Sup, L?” they asked.

Laura flinched, “Please don't call me that.”

“Oh... right” they responded, looking a little sheepish, “bet that's weird.”

Laura hesitated a moment. “Look, Laf,” she started, “Can I ask you a favor? I mean you don't have to, or if you think it's kinda weird, but I just, can you just-”

Laf held their hands up in a halting type gesture. “Speak no more, Frosh. Operation 'Surveil the Vamp' - 2.0 is a go. I'll keep you posted.”

Laura couldn't help herself, she threw her arms around Laf in a big hug. “Thanks so much, I'll see you when I get back,” she said as she released them.

With a wink and a salute, Laf went back to Perry, just as Laura's father texted that he was there. She really didn't want to go with everything so unsettled, but she really didn't have a choice at this point, so off she went to meet her dad.

* * *

****Four hours later she was walking into her childhood home. Everything was exactly as she left it. Not that she really expected anything to change that much, she had only been gone for a few months. The comfort she had thought she'd feel when she returned never came. Instead her mind was still back at Silas, lingering on a certain a broody vampire, and everything that still hung in the air between them. She would've felt a little better if she'd been able to talk to her at all since her return. There hadn't been a single moment, though. It had all happened so fast, and Carmilla had been completely wrapped up in her newly resurrected ex-girlfriend that she hadn't even spared a glance to her current... something.

She heaved a sigh, and got her phone out to text Perry. She did promise she would, after all.

_Laura:_ Got home safely. Dad had to go into the office, so I think I'm gonna take a nap.  
_Perry:_ I'm glad you got there! Make sure all the doors are locked if you're alone and about to go to sleep. By any chance, do you know why Lafontaine is acting so shifty? I think they're up to something. I've asked, but they say nothing is going on...

Laura sighs, of course Perry would notice. She decides it's best not to tell her anything, and just cross that bridge when she gets to it if she has to.

_Laura:_ I dunno... they haven't said anything to me.  
_Perry:_ Well, no worries then. As long as nothing explodes, I guess I don't need to know. Have a nice visit home. I'll see you when you get back.  
_Laura:_ Thanks, Perr. See you in a week!

Before she puts her phone back in her pocket, she shoots Laf a text.

_Laura:_ Be cool. Perry is suspicious.  
_Laf:_ Roger that. She's back in your dorm already, jsyk. Alone. The other stayed at the SSH.  
_Laura:_ Thanks Laf  
_Laf:_ No prob. Will report on more when it happens. Signing out.

With nothing else to do, Laura decides it's time for her nap.

* * *

Her nap was not refreshing whatsoever. She had a series of dreams, with varying levels of disturbing, that all featured Carmilla. In one, she flung herself off the cliff at the anglerfish only to get gobbled up. The fish continued it's terror, and the rest of them ended up flinging themselves into it's waiting jaws. In another, Carmilla just stood by and watched as Laura was drained dry by Will. She was completely apathetic about the whole ordeal, having just spent the last nine days tied up captive. In yet another, Laura had to watch as Carmilla married Ell underneath the stars. That was the one that caused her to wake with a start. Before she could dwell on it too much, her father was calling her down for dinner.

Since the nap didn't work out so well for her, Laura decided to turn in early that night. She was still tired from sleeping so poorly the night before, and she felt all she needed was one good restful night. Then she could wake up refreshed, and ready to face her problems. She needed to make a plan for how she was going to tackle her current situation. She'd figure it out for sure after a good night's sleep.

It wasn't going to happen. Laura tossed and turned all night, plagued with dreams of Carmilla. Some of the dreams hadn't been so bad, but she felt like the good ones depressed her and made her feel more drained than the bad ones did. She decided she needed an update, so she flipped open her cell phone.

_Laura:_ Anything?  
_Laf:_ Nothing unusual. They've gone to the library to brush up on the advances made in the past few centuries.  
_Laura:_ Keep me posted?  
_Laf:_ Affirmative. Over and out.

Laura chuckled a little. Laf was such a dork. Conceding that she wasn't actually going to get any rest, she decided that she should probably do some studying. Maybe that would make her mind tired enough to turn off at bedtime.

Unfortunately for Laura, that good night's sleep remained elusive. She was constantly haunted by dreams of Carmilla. The daily reports from Laf did not help in the slightest. _Carmilla took Ell on a tour of the campus... They had lunch at the Caf today, then went to feed the ducks on the lake... Ell and Danny have become fast friends; Carm has to keep her snark to a minimum because Ell doesn't like it... Perry is helping Ell figure out modern conveniences. Today the vacuum, tomorrow laundry..._

Each text chronicling how well Carmilla and Ell were getting on together, and with her friends, cut another hole in Laura's heart, and added another horror to her dreamscape. By the time her dad was taking her back to school at the end of the week she was practically a zombie. Her dad was concerned, but she brushed off all his worries using the excuse that she was just stressed about her upcoming finals. She assured him that she would be fine once they were all over. All she wanted right now was to get back to Silas.

* * *

 

Her room was empty when she burst through the door. She knew Carmilla had been there though. As rumpled as they were, there were sheets on the other bed again... and black shirts and leather hanging in the armoire... and empty cups scattered around. Laf had told her that Carmilla had moved back in, but she just needed to see it for herself. She had never been so happy in her life to see such a mess. It didn't matter what else was going on. Carmilla was here. She was alive, and they were roommates again. Anything else could be figured out along the way. With that thought, she collapsed onto her bed and fell right to sleep.

When Laura woke up again, she was a bit disorientated. She didn't know how long she had been asleep. The only thing she knew was that she had made it through without any nightmares. She was so happy to be home.

“Welcome home, Laura,” a voice said from across the room.

Laura let out a tiny shriek. She hadn't realized she wasn't alone. “Carm! You scared me.”

The vampire let out a little chuckle, “Sorry... You've been asleep for awhile. Almost 24 hours.”

“I guess I needed it... I haven't been sleeping well,” she admitted quietly.

Carmilla frowned slightly. “If you're feeling up to it, I'll take you to get something to eat. I'm sure you need it by now.”

Laura jumped out of bed almost immediately. “Yes, absolutely feeling up to it. Let's go!”

Laura followed Carmilla into the cafeteria. Her heart sank when she noticed they were heading directly toward a table that already featured a waiting Ell.

“Hello, Love,” Carmilla said, bending down to kiss her cheek, “You remember Laura, right?”

Laura was able to hold back her wince, but internally she was screaming. She hated it. From the moment Carmilla had come back, Ell had been “Love,” and Laura had just been... well Laura. Prior to that she could count on one hand the amount of times her actual name had passed the vampire's lips. She was seriously starting to miss all of the ridiculous edible-based nicknames.

Ell perked up, “Oh yes, of course I remember Laura. I trust your visit home was pleasant?”

“It was,” Laura answered, “but I am absolutely starving. If you'll excuse me for a moment.” She bolted. She knew that she would have to go back, she couldn't be rude. She just needed a minute to fortify herself. She gathered her choice of dinner as slowly as possible, then returned to the table determined not to let them see her cry.

* * *

****Dinner was actually not that bad. Ell was nice enough. She was polite, and intelligent, and funny, and complimentary... and just perfect. Laura was certain that she would have been friends with her if the circumstances were different. Being what they were though, it was impossible. The fact that they were both in love with Carmilla, but Carmilla was only in love with one of them, and it wasn't her, was killing Laura.

Like legitimately. She really felt like dying of a broken heart was a thing that was happening to her. She felt a painful squeeze in chest every time she saw the two of them together. Every time Carmilla kissed Ell's cheek. Every time Ell brushed aside the hair that had fallen into the vampire's face. Every time she saw them strolling down a path, smiling and holding hands. Squeeze. Squeeze. Squeeze.

Laura tried to ignore it, but she just couldn't. Days passed by, and the pain just got worse. She reached her breaking point. Something had to give. She burst into her room. Luck was apparently on her side today. The vampire was lounging on her bed reading, and Ell was nowhere in sight.

“We need to talk.”

Carmilla put her book to the side, and sat up. “Is everything okay, Laura?” she asked.

_Laura_. That was what pushed her over the edge. “No!” she practically yelled, “Everything is not okay! I can't take this anymore. I just don't know what to do about this pain.”

“Pain?” Carmilla question, jumping to her feet. She was in front of Laura in the blink of an eye, running her hands over her body, “Where are you hurt? What can I do?”

Laura pushed her hands away. “Pain in my heart,” she croaked, as tears started to fall, “there's so much pain.” She wiped her tears, and took a breath. She needed to get this all out. “We were in a war. To save the missing girls, and defeat your mother. It was an actual war. Then before the final battle we had that argument and you left. We had been dancing around something... before... but now I was mad, and you were gone. But then you came back during the battle. I saw you, and I thought that I had another chance, I was so grateful. But then you sacrificed yourself, you stupid vampire, and you were gone again. But for good this time,” her voice broke.

Carmilla opened her mouth to say... something, but Laura shook her head and continued.

“Then by some miracle, you were brought back to me again. But with you came Ell. The only girl you had ever loved. Now where does that leave me?” she whimpered, “you were supposed to come back to me. I... I love you.”

At this point, Laura couldn't help herself. She was too far gone. Too wrapped up in her sadness and desperation to think through her actions. She pulled Carmilla forward and crashed their lips together in a fierce kiss.

Carmilla pulled away, and shook her head as if coming out of a daze. “Cupcake?” she asked a little breathlessly, bringing her hand up to Laura's cheek.

“Carm... I-”

“Well, well,” she was interrupted by a voice from the doorway, “what do we have here?”

“Ell?” Carmilla asked, seemingly confused.

Laura could tell something wasn't right. Why would Carmilla seem so confused at seeing Ell here? They had been traipsing around campus together like they didn't have a care in the world for the past two weeks.

“I should've known you would be a problem,” she said, stepping into the room. “Seems I've underestimated the depth of pull you have on my dear, glittering girl.”

_Glittering girl_... why did that sound so familiar? She squinted her eyes, trying to remember. _Glittering girl_... she stared at Ell a little longer, something was niggling at her. Suddenly it clicked. “Dean Morgan?” Laura asked tentatively.

Ell laughed, “Of course... who else?”

“Mother?” Carmilla asked incredulously, “But... how... wh-”

“Quite simply, darling,” she answered, “I extracted her from the anglerfish before he blinked out of existence. As for the why... I found myself suddenly in need of a new body, and this one came with the built-in guarantee of your devotion. Although, adding a little of my own thrall to the mix didn't hurt. I simply didn't realized how emotionally connected you were to the moppet. A problem I will be rectifying immediately.”

In the blink of an eye, Ell was behind Laura, holding her as though she were about to tear her head off.

“Any last words? From either of you, really. Last chance.”

Laura just whimpered, trying to maintain eye contact with Carmilla. If it was her choice, she wanted those eyes to be the last thing she saw in this life. She could see the terror in them, but it didn't matter. She was drawing comfort from them. The dean's grip tightened.

“No! Wait, Mother!” Carmilla shouted desperately. “Just let her go. I promise to do whatever you say. To be loyal and obedient. No questions asked. Just let Laura go.”

“You'll give in to every command?” Ell questioned.

“Yes... absolutely,” Carmilla confirmed.

“No matter what it is?”

Carmilla winced, “Yes.”

“And you'll never try to leave me again?”

“I'll be by your side forever. Loyal to only you. Just let her go,” Carmilla pleaded.

“Hmm...” the dean seemed to be considering. “You know,” she said in a low voice, “I will have all that regardless.”

Before Carmilla could register the meaning in her mother's words, the dean snapped Laura's neck, and released her hold. Laura's lifeless body crumpled to the ground.

“No!” Carmilla screamed.

“There,” the dean said smugly, wiping her hands on her pants, “I've removed all temptation.”

Much faster than she ever thought possible, Carmilla flew across the room and grabbed her mother by the throat. Somehow along the way she had also picked up one of the errant stakes just lying around the dorm room. Before either of them realized, that stake was plunged through the dean's chest.

Shock was written all over the dean's face. Carmilla just pushed a little harder.

Blood was starting to gurgle up her throat. “Do not think that this is over, Mircalla,” the dean spat before her body went limp. Carmilla threw the carcass to the side, not caring at all where it landed.

Her only thought was Laura. She knelt down next to the body, tears streaming down her face.

“My beautiful Laura. My love. I'm so, so sorry,” she stuttered out.

She gathered Laura up in her arms and just broke down. She sat there for what felt like hours. She couldn't let go. She just sat there rocking back and forth, sobbing into Laura's hair, and muttering apologies. Rocking and sobbing. Rocking and muttering, “Ma usella mituti ikkalu baltuti... I'm so sorry... ma usella mituti ikkalu baltuti... please don't leave me... ma usella mituti ikkalu baltuti... I love you...”

She didn't even realize what she was saying anymore. Until she felt a small hand cup her cheek, and a familiar voice ask, “Carm?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, in case you were wondering... there was nothing squicky going on between Carmilla and Dean!Ell. Dean!Ell was able to keep Carm at arm's length, and insist on separate rooms, and only cheek kisses without it her being suspicious by using propriety as an excuse.
> 
> This is totally just a one-shot. I hope it was okay. This was actually much angstier in my head than it turned out on paper...
> 
> If there's any glaringly obvious mistakes, point them out and I'll be happy to fix them. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
